I’m all about being an equal opportunist when it comes to my attraction and objectification of men. Race, religion, sexual orientation, age, stages of life or death. I’m here for it all! This post today though is a chance for me to focus on the later criteria, because sometimes even a little gore isn’t enough to cover up a good-hearted man.
Johnny Dingle – My Boyfriend’s Back
Who doesn’t love a determined guy? Yeah, it also comes off as a bit needy, but when a guy comes back from the dead in order to take you to prom, you can’t help but be wooed.
Malcom Crowe – The Sixth Sense
Bruce Willis has always been, and probably always will be, daddy af. Even people who hate that term would be hard-pressed to disagree. But his character of Dr. Crowe in The 6th Sense amps up the emotional side of this normally grizzled hunk and the result is warm feelings in several parts of my body. The fact that is body will remain deathly cold forever is a non-issue!
Frank – Donnie Darko
Most know Frank as the disturbingly tall bunny who appears to the tormented Donnie. But all it takes is that scene during an Evil Dead theater screening to remember that a young man lives (lived?) beneath that costume. And he’s kinda hot, even with that eyeball issue.
Adam Maitland – Beetlejuice
Another mature (read: daddy af) hunk now permanently “living” on the other side, Adam holds all the qualities I like in a hot-dad-next-door cliche. He’s a little preppy, a little country. A bit nerdy, but very nice and romantic. And probably, but definitely a little wild in bed. Definitely.
Royce Clayton (aka The Torn Prince) – THIR13EN GHOSTS
Sure. He’s got a bad attitude. But he’s athletic, brave, and damn handsome too, despite the carnage his, ahem, accident caused. Would bone.
Jack – An American Werewolf in London
He’s snarky. He’s cute. He’s adventurous and a faithful friend. He’s completely torn to shreds. Yeah, that last past might make things a little more complicated, but love has traversed deeper valleys full of werewolves. Right?
Victor Pascow – Pet Sematary
Victor probably had a lot going for him when he was alive, but even death couldn’t rob him of motivation and purpose. Returning as a gory specter, he fought hard in order to steer Dr. Creed and his family away from the dark forces around them. Wise, handsome, protective, forever left to wear some little red jogging shorts. I could deal with that.
Whattaya say folks? Would you give a dead guy a chance? Or would the whole “constantly bloody, usually incorporeal” aspect be a deal-breaker? Let me know how you feel and drop me a line if you have any other suggestions for dateable dead guys!